The journey to where I am now has been interesting. I am someone who hated school. At first it was love, for at heart knowledge is the truth I seek, but then it was sorrow, as I was let down from my ideals to the harsh reality of what it was. Then, I was too young to understand the Machiavellian ways in which rulers conduct themselves—only now that I do, I am of neither mind as to whether such things are “good” or “bad” (of which I am still learning), but will admit that it still pains my heart against the dream of what could be. However, I have not enough experience from the other sides to judge—this is one of the many things I seek on my journey through life.
Who am I? I am an artist. At least I thought I was for many years, until I realised, in truth, I am—and always have been—a storyteller. This comes from another aspect of my journey, where, believing marketing and what one was taught, I began to abandon myself and my muse for technical skill and consistency, rather than trusting in the subconscious expression of what must be, and trusting it to be greater than I am (“just because something is senseless, doesn’t mean it lacks sense”).
Type-wise, I am an INFJ, though I am still learning on that, and it seems, the more I learn, the less I realise I know. I am on a journey through life to discover it’s truths, and meanings. I stand far outside of the world I once knew, and I am sick of pretending I don’t. I do not wish to lead a life of marketing, and ego, where I must disguise my own thoughts and musings in works of fiction—fiction should live and breathe in it’s own right, and for me, beyond the realm of conscious thought, and solely in that of my muse, and subconscious self.
This is a place where I will put my conscious musings. I have found a path beyond that of an artist, and a storyteller, but also that of a healer, and a walker of dreams—dreams which have stood close to me my entire life. Indeed, long before I found my path, I knew my name as the Dreaming Sentinel; a guide, even then.
I do not wish to market myself blatantly in the world in order to survive. I want to complete my task quietly, and follow the yearnings of my heart—for myself, and those special few who choose to come along. I renounce myself the misguided desire to change those who do not wish to change, and to shape a society into enlightenment as if I—one ‘man—could achieve this.
Change is like a ripple on the surface of the ocean. As I see it now, all I wish to do is lead a good life for myself, the life I am called to, as even I want to guide you towards yours. I cannot predict “good” and “wrong” anymore, besides the guide of my own heart, and I believe now that everything exists and happens for a reason, exactly as it is meant to, albeit in different ways. I believe synchronicity (as I have read in Julia Cameron’s works, for I am only just getting up to Jung’s) does guide our lives for greater, in compassionate, positive ways—and that perhaps love is the greatest force of them all.
But who am I to know? I am young still, and have much of my life to live ahead of me. This is the journey of the Dreaming Sentinel. These are my Dreamings. I hope you enjoy them, or don’t, as you are. But they are here to guide those who might find release in their depths, as even I do within their creation.
Be welcome, either way—and know that your path is yours alone. Only you can find your Holy Grail, and not by following those that exist already (Joseph Campbell, Transformations of Myth Through Time – I believe the first or second episode). And, though I follow no religion, it is taught by some Christians that they must bear Christ’s cross. What Jung realised, however, is that it would be foolish to bear Christ’s—we must all bear our own.
“Is this perhaps the meaning of Christ’s teaching, that each must bear his own cross? For if you have to endure yourself, how will you be able to rend others also?” – C. G. Jung, Mysterium Coniunctionis.